Umm I'm too high to move.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
