I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
