3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
