At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
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