woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
