I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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