God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
