I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
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My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
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I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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