I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
