WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
