we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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