when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
