so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
