your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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