I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Randomize
