Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
be right there i have to get my cape
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
