You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
