Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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