I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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