dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
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As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
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WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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