go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
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Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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