Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
