the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I bet he comes in French.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
