someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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