you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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