Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I wear drunk well.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
