its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
