k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
