remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
