oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
