can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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