Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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