Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
