glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
