I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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