Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Randomize
