i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
