Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Porn is love you can see.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
