wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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