What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
