You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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