his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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