They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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