im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
