Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
