Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
