3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
