YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
