I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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