Porn is love you can see.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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