bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
