you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
