So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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