I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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