Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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