so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
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I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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