just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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