if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
