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• (713): View more from Texas

  Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight

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• (336): View more from North Carolina

  I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.

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• (850): View more from Florida

  I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today

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• (607): View more from New York

  We can grow old together and our livers can fail together

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• (613): View more from Ontario

  Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?

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• (+27): View more from South Africa

  Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"

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• (651): View more from Minnesota

  Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Stop drinking before 5

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Easier said than done

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• (209): View more from California

  I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.

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• (+33): View more from France

  I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.

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• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?

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• (815): View more from Illinois

  Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?

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• (423): View more from Tennessee

  well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night

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• (515): View more from Iowa

  How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.

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