Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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