Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
