You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
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