Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
