What a fucking waste of an outfit
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
