Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
