U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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