is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
