Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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