I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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