i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
