using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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